Today I stumbled upon my mission in life. I will open up an Evil Kitty Animal Shelter, dedicated not to the rehabilitation of Evil Kitties, but to the celebration of Evil Kitties. Because it’s the evil ones that need the most love and the most subservience in order to be happy.

There will be classes about how to live with your new Evil Kitty:

Evil Kitties 101

The Theory and Practice of Owning an Evil Kitty

Literary Representations of Evil Kitties in the 19th Century Canon

There will be books:

The Adventures of Evil Kitties and their Self-Destructive Owners

Owning Evil Kitties for Dummies

The Importance of Being an Evil Kitty Owner

IT’S GOING TO BE BRILLIANT.

May 18, 2012

Dear Mr. Collins,

If you’d prefer that we not liken you to this

then you must try and refrain from doing this

.

We are not saints.